Some Rules For NSA Tomorrow Night

 

audience

If you haven’t read my latest piece on Nerve.com, here is a reminder on how NOT to behave while interacting with hot PEEPs (Persons of Equivalent Erotic Potential) at The NSA Seminar and after-party this Friday night.

If you follow the advice below, you will transcend the Mediocre Majority and rapidly accelerate your transformation into The One that everyone wants.

1. Never complain.
Nobody wants to hear about how your dog is sick, your job sucks, and your ex is an asshole. Most people complain all the time. So, if you don’t complain, not only will you be better than everyone else, but the people you interact with will assume you love your life, which will make them want to become a part of your world.

2. Never speak quickly or loudly.
Nobody wants to hang out with a hyper, insecure, attention-whore (female or male). Most people talk way too fast and way too loud. So if you can speak slowly and lowly, especially in crowded places, you will not only appear to be a confident and relaxed Exceptional Individual who is better than the mediocre majority, but people will have to lean in to you in order to hear you, which will make everyone around you feel that person wants you. If they think this person wants you, then they will also want you. And if this person thinks they want you, then he or she will want you even more. Desire is contagious.

I don't think I do that?

3. Never misuse the word “like.”
Nobody wants to sleep with someone who sounds as though they belong on a reality show about unfuckable idiots. Most people misuse the word “like” an average of seven times per minute. Therefore, if you can watch yourself and make yourself SSL (Stop. Saying. “Like.”), not only will you be better than everyone one else, but your constant vigilance over your speech patterns will help you to remember to speak slowly, lowly and never complain.

Sexy strangers learning to have No Expectations

I guarantee if you can actually make yourself stop talking like everyone else, you be well on your way to becoming The One that everyone wants.

See you tomorrow.

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NSA Principle 1: NSA = NSA

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IF you want to NEVER SLEEP ALONE (NSA), you must actualize (=) the principle of NO STRINGS ATTACHED (NSA).

Which means:

You must be OPEN to every experience.

AND

 You must have NO EXPECTATIONS for any experience.

When you expect something from a person or a situation, you have a certain look on your face:  The Look of Expectation. You look like a hungry, crippled dog, with drool dripping from your matted fur. Or a dirty beggar child with filthy fingernails and an asymmetrical face, BEGGING for nickels –

YOU.

LOOK.

NEEDY.

Where have you seen that look before?

You’ve seen it on that person who really wants you, who really needs you, even though you have no need or desire for them.

It’s gross.

NSA TRUTH

Neediness is the most unattractive quality in a human being.

But, when you allow yourself to experience something with NO EXPECTATIONS, you give off a special glow: The Aura of Experience.   You appear otherworldly, beyond human, like Jesus Christ.  Or a sexy female panther.

You have an inner peace. A sleekness and a sureness that drives the mere humans around you insane with desire and envy. It’s irresistible.

Before you begin your first NSA Challenge, I want you to decide who you are. Are you Jesus Christ? Or are you a sexy female panther?

Panther Rip

Those are your only two choices. You may try both, if you’d like.

Either way, you are at ease in all social situations. You sit at the bar relaxed, needing nothing from the night, because you’ve spent your day accomplishing things in the desert. You maintain steady eye contact and have amazing posture, knowing that everyone around you wants desperately to reach out and touch your left flank. You expect nothing from the people you meet, because you are better than they are. You are either being kind and selfless, saying nothing about yourself as you talk to them about their issues and save them from eternal damnation. Or, you are sitting still, being strong and beautiful, watching them silently and resisting your natural instinct to rip out their intestines.

NSA Challenge

Tonight, go to a unique SocioSexual Watering Hole that you have never visited before. This could be a bar, a café with a bar feel to it, or a restaurant with a bar in it.  Take a photo on the way in.  Have no expectations.

Make sure you’ve just spent the day working, or had a very intense work out. Make sure you are very thirsty for a drink or very hungry for food. Sit down. If all the bar stools are taken, order a drink from the bartender, give a nice tip and a serene smile, and calmly ask him or her if they could let you know when a stool is becoming available because you’ve had an intense day and would love to sit down.  Have no expectations.

Stay at this place for at least an hour and a half. Drink something, eat something, talk to people, if it suits you. Be sure to take your time, remember to breathe, and be conscious of everything you are experiencing. Have no expectations.

Look around and actually see your surroundings, actually hear the sounds that people are making, actually taste everything you put into your mouth. If you have extra energy, you can take out pen and paper and write me a long letter. If anyone asks you what you’re doing, smile benevolently, and say you are writing a letter to a friend. Enjoy the experience. Have no expectations.

When you have completed this NSA Challenge, post a comment below and tell me all about it. Be sure to include your photo.

NSA Lessons From Thailand

That’s my bungalow on the right.

I am currently living in Haad Tien Bay, on Koh Pha Ngan, Thailand. I was brought here by one of the top health resorts to speak at an “Awakening Your Sexual Spirit” retreat. Though I feel that most parts of the prescribed program at this retreat are nonsense (except for the colonic), I have been learning a lot by observing the participants. Their behavior is a total reaffirmation of NSA Principle 2: BFF=UCB.

Best Friend Forever = Ultimate Cock Block

Last night was Full Moon Party on Koh Pha Ngan. Thousands of horny people from all over the world travelled thousands of miles to get here, simply to dance their asses off, party their faces off and have Mind Blowing Orgasms with hot strangers. Nobody who wanted to sleep with somebody should have slept alone last night.

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As the sun came up over Haad Tien Bay, and I was being carried back to my bungalow by my beautiful PEEPs, I couldn’t help but notice that the sad souls staring hungrily after us with The Look Of Expectation on their faces were all people who came to the retreat with their friends.

The four participants who came to this retreat all alone did not sleep alone last night. Sara, the shy Amish virgin with the strange lisp and the beautiful eyes slept with Luke, our hot yoga instructor–And she told me he was totally okay with just dry humping  and melon harvesting and was able to give her two MBOs while still preserving her virginity Go, Luke!–. Mikhail, the pudgy yet brilliant gay graphic designer from Düsseldorf slept with Anders, the perfect-bodied bi-sexual organic farmer from Australia. And Paolo, the former priest from Calabria, slept with me.

Go, Sara!

Go, Sara!

All the other people from the retreat slept alone, or with their cock-blocking friends. And these are people who came here to “awaken their sexual spirits”! I  saw them all at lunch this afternoon, sitting at their same tables with each other, all looking miserable and orgasmically deprived, bickering about which snorkeling trip to take and who still owed money for the molly.

These BFFs danced together all night last night. And they both woke up alone this morning.

These BFFs danced together all night last night. And they both woke up alone this morning.

Meanwhile, Sara was getting her hair braided by Luke, I was getting a foot massage from Paolo, and Anders and Mikhail were still in Bungalow 14, listening to MGMT and giving each other Roman Cupcakes.

If you want to Never Sleep Alone, you must stop going out with your friends all the time.  NSA is about you being open to NEW people and new experiences. You must have the freedom to say “yes” to every new experience that you want to have. When you’re out with your friends, you have to take their desires into consideration, and you can’t always say “yes” when you want to.

My new Full Moon Friends! That's Paolo in the front.

My new Full Moon Friends! That’s Mikhail and Anders on the left and Paolo is the in the front with the tie. #WAW

NSA is about you fearlessly reinventing yourself whenever you want, until you find what works for you. You must feel free to play with different personas and experiment with different SocioSexual Roles. If your friends are around, you will feel very self-conscious exploring and experimenting, you will play the same sexually irrelevant role you have always played within that group and you will never live up to your full SocioSexual Potential.

Start going out alone and I promise you will Never Sleep Alone.

Unless you want to.

I always travel alone. And I never sleep alone.

Paolo and I went rock climbing today! I always travel alone. And I Never Sleep Alone.

A Valentine’s Day Message From Dr. Alex

Do you have any idea how lucky you are that you are not in a long-term monogamous relationship right now?

You may be thinking, “But, I want one! Everyone I know who is in a long-term monogamous relationship is so happy all the time!”

They are lying.

Maybe they are happy some of the time. But the majority of their time is spent feeling annoyed, anxious, and/or horny. I guarantee you that more than 75 percent of the people who are constantly posting pictures of their partners and/or children on Facebook with status updates saying how blissfully happy they are, really want to say, “Can I please just drink a goddamned cup of coffee ALONE this morning and go out and fuck a random stranger tonight?!”

Right now, you are free. You are free to get what you want, when you want, and how you want, from whomever you want.  You are free to have MBOs with many different **PEEPs who can contribute many different things to your life while fulfilling your many erotic desires. You are free to learn more about yourself and sharpen your sexual skills while experiencing moments of euphoric happiness, exquisite pleasure, and real human connection.

MBO= Mind Blowing Orgasm

You are beautiful and perfect, and if I wasn’t in Thailand right now,  I would come over tonight and give you the V-DAY MBO you deserve. But, since I can’t be there with you, why don’t you dress up in an amazing outfit that makes you look like a STAR, go to a SocioSexual Watering Hole, and make it your goal to meet as many PEEPs as possible who can contribute to your SocioSexual Pleasure and give you MBO’s tonight, or whenever you and your PEEP(s) are ready for them.

PEEP= Person (of) Equivalent Erotic Potential

It is perfectly acceptable to sleep with only one PEEP at a time. It is also perfectly acceptable to sleep with three or more PEEPs at a time. Do or don’t do whatever makes you and your PEEP(s) feel wonderful about yourselves.

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I’ve already met some very nice PEEPs this Valentine’s Day. And we’re about to go meet more PEEPs and dance the night away at The Full Moon Party. The one in the yellow shirt is trying to give me an MBO as I type this.

I’m twelve hours ahead of you.

 

Welcome To NSA

Featured

My name is Dr. Alex Schiller* and I Never Sleep Alone.

Unless I want to.

I want to help you. I want to help you become the most powerful version of yourself, so that you will never be lonely, or hungry or horny again.

I am often asked, “Dr. Alex, how do I find The One? How do I find that perfect person who makes me feel complete?”

My answer to that question is always the same:

To find The One, you must become The One.

NSA is a philosophy consisting of Nine NSA Principles, that when fully actualized, are guaranteed to transform you into The One.

Soon, we will meet face to face at one of my NSA Seminars. Soon, you will be given The Book. But, for now,  I want you to visit me here every day. Every day there will be new information. Every day there will be new revelations.

I want you to come often.

*Dr. Alex Schiller is a character created and performed by Roslyn Hart. Roslyn Hart holds no advanced degrees in medicine or psychology and the advice contained on this website is based on her personal opinions and experiences. Though a character, Dr. Alex has helped thousands of real life human beings transform themselves and fulfill their sociosexual desires with her live dating show Never Sleep Alone, which is currently in residence at Joe’s Pub at The Public Theater in New York City. 

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Your One True Purpose In Life

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You were put on this planet to have sex. This is your one true purpose in life. This is why, when you are having an orgasm, you feel at one with the universe. You are fulfilling your biological destiny.  You are doing what you were put on this planet to do. 

Your brain may argue against this. Your brain may say, “I was put on this planet to make great art,” or “I was put on this planet to make lots of money,” or “I was put on this planet to be good to my friends and family.” But your body is stronger than your brain. And your body wants sex. And if you don’t give your body what it wants on a regular basis, it is not going to let your brain enjoy anything. No matter how impressive your non-sexual achievements are, your body is going to keep telling your brain, “You are not good enough.”

The reason you feel so calm, happy and beautiful right after great sex is because your body has finally stopped fighting with your brain.  After great sex, you will find that you think clearly, perform better at work, are kinder to your fellow humans, and finally see the world for the magical place it really is.

Therefore, the more great sex you have, the more you will be able to actually enjoy the non-sexual moments of your life.

NSA Truth

In order to think clearly, you must fuck your brains out on a regular basis.

You speak in QUESTIONS?

I don't think I do that?

When making a declarative statement, you tend to place emphasis at the end of each phrase? As though you are asking a question?  When you’re not actually asking a question? This makes you sound rather stupid and very insecure? This gets way worse when you’re out with a group of your friends? Because same-sex friends unconsciously mimic each other’s speech patterns? This is making you unfuckable? You need to stop doing this immediately?

Yes.

Stop it.

NSA December 6th 2013 11:30pm

Leave Your Cockblocking Phone At Home

Come to the NSA Seminar without your phone on Friday. I promise to hook you up.

Come to The NSA Seminar without your phone this Friday and I promise to hook you up.

Smartphones are turning human beings into SocioSexually Retarded robots who are incapable of making real human connections. Your desperate need to be in constant virtual connection with people via Facebook, text messaging and e-mail is keeping you from making actual connections with actual people who actually want to sleep with you.

If you want to Never Sleep Alone, you must start leaving your phone at home when you go out at night. I guarantee that if you stop taking your phone with you everywhere you go, you will become exponentially more attractive, you will be a happier person, and people will want to give you MBOs.

MBO=Mind Blowing Orgasm

How are you supposed to live without your phone?

Remember how to use a pen and paper?

Good!

All you have to do is figure out where you want to go, write down the name, address and directions on a piece of paper, and then go there.

If you get lost, you can ask a sexually relevant human being for help.

When I get lost, I ask a sexually relevant Human Being for directions.

When I get lost, I ask a sexually relevant human being for help.

Don’t say: “But, what if someone is trying to get ahold of me?!”

People can wait.

People want to wait.

NSA Truth

Making people wait makes people want to sleep with you.

I challenge you to come to The NSA Seminar and After-Party at Joe’s Pub this Friday night  without your phone. I guarantee it will be the best Friday night of your life.

Tickets available HERE.

Because they came alone, without their phones, they did not sleep alone.

They came alone. Without phones. And they did not sleep alone that night.

Never Be Afraid To ORGASM

Don't be afraid to tell him HOW you like it done. The next NSA Seminar is November 8, 2013 at Joe's Pub NYC.

Don’t be afraid to tell him HOW you like it done. The next NSA Seminar is November 8, 2013 at Joe’s Pub NYC.

Remember, the whole point of sex is that it is supposed to feel amazing for all parties involved. The only way that is going to happen is with open communication. Therefore, during a sexual encounter, you must never be afraid to ORGASM.

Offer

     Regular

       Guidance

And

          Sometimes

            Money         

Always tell your sexual partner what pleases you and be very clear about what you are prepared to offer in return for that pleasure. Usually, reciprocal pleasure is enough.  But, money can make an incredible sexual experience even hotter. I’m not suggesting that you pay for sex, but you should consider using money (real or fake) as an enhancement to the sexual experience. You can play games such as “Filthy Cocktail Waitress” or “Peggy Guggenheim’s Favorite Artist”.

Roleplaying is a great way to enhance the sexual experience. Sometimes, he's a "poor artist" and I have a spare bed. Other times, I'm a "filthy cocktail waitress" and he has a hundred dollar bill in his hand...

Roleplaying is a great way to enhance the sexual experience. Sometimes, he’s a “poor artist” and I have a spare bed. Other times, I’m a “filthy cocktail waitress” and he has a hundred dollar bill in his hand…

Remember that YOUR pleasure is just as important as your PEEP’s Pleasure.  Always offer constructive criticism in a sexy and positive way. If a PEEP is not doing it the way you like it and you want them to change their technique, don’t say, “Ow! You’re doing it wrong!”

Begin every constructive criticism with a kind compliment. Kiss them and say, “You’re sooo amazing… Now can we try it a little slower (or faster, or harder or softer) Yessss. You are so good. Keep doing exactly that.”

Tell him HOW you like to be choked.

Tell him HOW you like to be choked.

And if they are doing it exactly the way you like it, be sure to tell them often. And always be very personal in your praise. Never say: “THAT is so good.” Or “THAT is so perfect.” Always say: “YOU are so good.” Or “YOU are so perfect.”

He did a very GOOD JOB! in that alley way.

He did a very GOOD JOB! in that alley way.

Remember that people want to be treated like children. But not ugly, stupid, unwanted children. People want to be treated like pretty, gifted and spoiled children. That’s why grown women are obsessed with cupcakes and grown men are obsessed with breasts.

So, remember to always make your Sexual Partner feel like they are doing a GOOD JOB! and they will keep coming back for  more.

 NSA Truth

“Give a man a fuck and he’ll come once…

Teach a man to fuck, and HE’LL KNOW HOW TO FUCK.”

                                                                                    -Schiller

Every great threesome begins with great conversation.

Every great threesome begins with great conversation.