I came home from the gym to this DM on my Instagram: “My workout goes to shit whenever you’re at the gym because I have to focus my energy on not getting an erection. I believe you are deliberately provoking me and I’d love to destroy you in a way most sublime this evening.”
But hot as fuck.
How could I resist?
WHAT HE DID RIGHT
He did his homework. I had never spoken to this kid before, but somehow he figured out who I was, found me on Instagram, read every single blog posting I ever wrote and designed the perfect seduction based on that knowledge. One would never expect a dirty blonde, barely legal, angel-faced Abercrombie model to be such a boss, but he was.
He didn’t waste any time. I hate when people dilly-dally with their online flirtations. Our DM exchange went like this:
Him:…I believe you are deliberately provoking me and I’d love to destroy you in a way most sublime this evening.
Me: What time?
Him: Employees Only. Corner table. No panties.
He was unpredictable. When I arrived he was sitting at the table with a bottle of champagne on ice and had already ordered dinner for us. When I sat down, he kissed me gently on the cheek, handed me a pair of sunglasses and said, “Put these on.” They looked like my regular sunglasses to anyone looking at me, but the lenses were actually blacked-out so I couldn’t see anything except his hand in my lap when I looked down. I kept them on the entire dinner.
He was an amazing conversationalist. We talked about our passions, our life goals, our sexual fantasies, and even started planning a destination orgy in Venice.
He made dinner a truly sensual experience: Not only did he feed me steak tartare–which tasted absolutely amazing blindfolded–but he would also take a mouthful of champagne, kiss me gently, part my lips with his tongue and gently squirt the champagne into the back of my throat. Best buzz of my life.
He was a great host: He took me to his DORM ROOM. And though it was private, it was tiny as fuck and didn’t even have a kitchen–just a mini-fridge. But he had interesting art, candles everywhere and fresh flowers next to the bed, thus transforming a depressing dorm room into a charming and seductive environment. When we arrived he gave me a freshly washed Turkish bathrobe and a fluffy white towel and told me to enjoy a long shower. He had glass jars of trial size toiletries like a hotel would- razors, toothbrushes, Q-tips, lotions- BOSS. I came out of the shower to candles lit and music playing. He laid me down on the bed and gave me the best massage of my life.
He had new sex toys. I always hate it when men want to use a paddle or sex toy on you they’ve used with someone else. Gross. Casey had a new vibrator still in the plastic and said, “I got this for you. Even if we don’t use it on each other tonight, you can always use it at home whenever you miss me.”
He was into butt stuff. Giving and receiving. Oral and digital. And we did end up using the vibrator on each other. I always love it when heterosexual men embrace the joys of anal play. As a wise man once said, “The world’s a better place with a finger in your ass.”
He was into Sideways 69: My favorite.
He was into dirty talk. A damn good mix of commands and compliments and one perfectly placed “Good girl” right before I came. Boss.
He knew when to break character. After we had both had our share of MBOs, he went from being suited-up Super Dom into a normal, goofy 19 year old. We laughed, cuddled, watched Black Mirror, drank beer and ordered pizza. He admitted to me he didn’t even like champagne, but he knew I did so that’s why he ordered it. Angel!
WHAT HE DID WRONG
He has no body fat. Which is awesome in photos, but hurts like hell when he’s on top and our hipbones are banging against each other.
He was a Jack Rabbit Fuck at first. Though his foreplay was amazing, the pre-pizza intercourse was way too fast with cervix-bruising thrusts that I HATED. I gave him constructive criticism while we were eating pizza and he said, “Really? Let’s fix that shit then.” He threw his slice of pizza over his shoulder, laid me down and did it right.