1. NO SHOTS- Shots lead to whisky-dick and bed-wetting. It’s not sweat, bro.
2. WATCH OLD PEOPLE– If you’re acting like them –forgetting things, pushing on doors that clearly say “PULL”, yelling like a deaf person, farting and/or peeing your pants a little– it’s time to stop drinking and go the hell home.
3. PISS BREAK CHECK-IN- Every time you take a piss break, drink 20 handfuls of water and then look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Do I look shitfaced right now?”
4. SET A LIMIT- No more than 5 drinks a night.
5. ALTERNATE- Drink a full glass of water between each alcoholic beverage.
If you’re a gentleman who can hold his liquor and hold his own on stage, take a PLAYERS seat at my Valentie’s Day show at Joe’s Pub 2/14 at 9:30. I’ll buy you a drink and hook your ass up.