To avoid getting too drunk and rendering yourself unfuckable, I highly suggest adhering to the following guidelines when you are out drinking among sexually relevant people.
1. Don’t do shots. You are not a frat boy.
2. Don’t sleep with anyone who is doing shots. Chances are they will have whisky dick and/or pee in your bed.
3. Drink slowly and give yourself a maximum amount of drinks allowed per evening. I suggest no more than 5.
4. Drink a full glass of water between each drink.
5. Every time you go to the bathroom, drink 20 handfulls of water, then look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Do I look shitfaced right now?”
6. Watch old people. If you’re acting like them –forgetting things, pushing on doors that clearly say “PULL”, yelling like a deaf person, farting and/or peeing your pants a little– it’s time to stop drinking and go the hell home.