My fiancee is my best friend, and I love him, but he has never given me an orgasm. I thought maybe it’s because I’m only 24 and many women don’t have orgasms until they are 30, but last Friday I got way too drunk at my bachelorette party at my best friend’s house and I hooked up with the male stripper (I’m gonna call him Sam but that’s not his real name), we had amazing Chemistry and he gave me an MBO as you call them. It truly was a MIND BLOWING ORGASM, I felt as though my whole body was contracting and releasing, I felt that Sam and I truly became one, and now the world looks completely different to me. Since the party was at my best friend’s house, Sam and I actually spent the whole night together making love. He actually told me he loved me. And I told him I loved him. And I believe I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN.
But I still love my fiancee. But the feelings I feel with Sam are something I have never felt before and since that night my fiancee and I have had sex twice and I have felt nothing. Sam is texting me all the time (so much that I bought a new cell phone just for our communications to avoid my fiancee seeing something come across my I-phone) and he is saying he doesn’t want to ruin my life, but that if he can be in my life in any way, even as just a friend he wants to be there and he says he wants one more night together before I get married, but I get married ON SUNDAY with the rehearsal dinner on Saturday so the only night I can be with him is Friday and I would have to get my best friend involved again and tell my fiancee that I am spending the night there so we can practice hair and make-up styles, but I feel bad for making her lie for me again, but she says she will and that she wants the best for me, and I told Sam it’s a possibility and now he really wants it to happen and I do too, but I know if that happens we will be up all night making love and I will look terrible for my rehearsal dinner. I am willing to take off work Friday so we could spend the day together, start earlier and maybe even get some sleep so I’m not a wreck on Saturday, but Sam has a super important bachelorette party on Friday night where he’ll make $650 and he says he can’t afford to cancel and that the bride is super connected so it could lead to other work so he wouldn’t get to me til like 1:45 a.m. I just don’t know what to do.
I am a bit hurt that I’m willing to do my rehearsal dinner looking like shit and take off work Friday to be with Sam but he’s not willing to take off work for me. I thought maybe I should offer him $650 to take off work and just be with me, but that seems weird. Also, I am feeling strange jealousy about the bride he will dance for on Friday night, especially since he wouldn’t tell me her name for “confidentiality reasons” so I couldn’t even Facebook stalk her to see what she looks like. My greatest wish is that Sam would do something dramatic and crash my wedding and kidnap me so that I could get out of it without being the bad guy, but obviously that isn’t gonna happen.
So, what should I do? Should I just say goodbye to Sam forever now and never experience passionate love and MBOs with him again? Should I offer him the money to take off work and convince him to be with me instead of dancing for the VIP bride and do everything in my power to make our last night together magic? Do you think it’s possible that after I am married maybe Sam and I could agree to see each other just once a year on our anniversary (March 4th which was my bachelorette party aka the night we met) and have an amazing night together and do it every March 4th for the rest of our lives without it ruining my marriage?
HELP ME PLEASE.
Love, Jennifer (also not my real name)
My first piece of advice is to stop popping Adderral like it’s candy. I used your email address to Facebook stalk YOU, so from your wall postings I know you went on Adderral recently to help you “focus”, and your email reads like you’re taking too much of it. My second piece of advice is for you to re-read the email you sent me and realize that this situation is turning you into a psycho. I am not judging you or scolding you. I know how intense it is the first time you experience a Mind Blowing Orgasm and I know how scary it is to think that on Sunday you are going to commit yourself to one man (who has never given you an orgasm) forever and ever and ever and all of these crazy feelings and hormones are wreaking havoc on your mental state.
I can’t make this decision for you.
But I do want to point out some interesting things about your email and ask you a few questions and maybe this will help you to make the right choice.
- When talking about Sam you use dramatic and passionate language talking about how you “made love”, “became one” and are “in love”. When you talk about your fiancee you use phrases like “best friend”, “have sex”, “felt nothing” etc. On Sunday you will be legally (and spiritually if you’re into that) binding yourself to your best friend who has never given you an orgasm. Maybe one day you and he WILL have the kind of Mind Blowing Orgasmic connection you and Sam had, but maybe you never will. And in the state you live in, once you are legally married, getting caught finding your orgasms elsewhere can actually get you thrown into jail, and if you get divorced you will be in serious financial trouble. If you pay Sam $650 to take off work on Friday night, that’s $650 less for your legal fees.
- It’s only been a few days since your encounter with Sam and you have already woven a web of lies, purchased a new cell phone, put your best friend in a very bad position, declared March 4th your “anniversary” (even though your actual anniversary with your HUSBAND will be March 13th) and have possibly put your fiancee at risk for an STD. I hope you used condoms. If you didn’t, you need to get tested now and again in three months. I imagine you will never tell your fiancee about this unless you decide to be brave and call this wedding off, but if Sam cares about you as much as he says he does, he will get tested now so that you can put your mind at ease about that at least.
- You are already jealous about Sam dancing for other women and upset that he will not risk his professional life to make you personally happy. Friday night is a big night for male exotic dancers. And, in your state, so is pretty much every night but Monday. If he’s unable to take off work this Friday, what makes you think he’s going to be able to take off on every March 4th for the rest of your lives?
- If you and Sam do spend the night at your friend’s house, but the sex and orgasms aren’t as mind blowing and magical as they were the first time (which they probably won’t be since you are coming into this with so many expectations) how are you going to feel the next day? Will it be worth “looking like shit” and feeling like shit at your rehearsal dinner?
- Your “greatest wish” is for Sam to crash your wedding so you don’t have to go through with it, and you won’t look like the “bad guy”. If you really want out of this, but you don’t want to look like the bad guy, you could consider going through with the ceremony without actually having the officiant file the marriage certificate. That would require being the “bad guy” to your fiancee and to the officiant, but it will allow you and your fiancee to “save face” within your community and possibly avoid a lot of emotional, financial and legal trouble down the line.
This is a tough situation, my dear Jennifer. You are very young and you seem very confused and I know many of my readers have felt like you at some point in their lives. If anyone has advice for Jenn, please leave it in the comments section below.
I wish you much love, peace, health and many MBOs in your future, Jenn.
And please lay off the Adderall.