Nobody wants to sleep with a gross drunk. Too much alcohol causes bad breath, bad behavior and whisky dick. Alcohol CAN be a great social lubricant, but you’d better know your limits, and stay well within them if you want people to want you. Drunk people are annoying at best and dangerous at worst. You do not want to be one of them. To avoid getting too drunk and rendering yourself unfuckable, I highly suggest adhering to the following guidelines when you are out drinking among sexually relevant people.
1. Don’t drink more than 5 drinks in one night. Drink slowly.
2. Don’t do shots.
3. Drink a full glass of water between each drink. Better yet, each time you go to the bathroom, drink 20 hand fulls of water, then look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Do I look shitfaced right now?”
4. Watch old people. If you’re acting like them –forgetting things, stumbling around, pushing on doors that clearly say “PULL”, yelling like a deaf person, getting cranky and belligerent for no reason, and/or farting or peeing your pants a little– it’s time to stop drinking and go the hell home.