The 9 Habits of Highly Fuckable People-Weekend Challenge

The definition of unfuckability is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want to be wanted, you have to stop doing the things that make you unhappy and sexually irrelevant, and replace your bad habits with good habits. Here are the first four of The 9 Habits of Highly Fuckable People with specific challenges for you to complete this weekend. If you are brave and bold enough to actually complete these challenges, your life will actually change and you will soon become The One everyone wants. If you don’t, you won’t.

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Making Masturbation Work For YOU


Masturbation is good for you. It relieves stress, boosts immunity, improves your mental state and physical appearance (#postMBOGlow) and, most importantly, it makes sex better. If you want someone else to give you an MBO, you must first know how to give one to yourself.

MBO=Mind Blowing Orgasm

Here are some tips to help you make the most of your masturbatory time and give yourself an MBO whenever you want one.  Continue reading

How To Sleep With A Model

FZX Chic Ass Pants

He was wearing these pants in the gym last night, and I am wearing them in his kitchen this morning. Lesson: Always dress well at the gym.

Everyone says models are “bad in bed”. From recent experience, I can tell you– They’re not bad. They’re just young (and usually foreign) men and women who are totally in touch with the latest fashions and what society thinks is sexy, but totally out of touch with their own sensuality and sexuality. Because models always have to ACT sensual and sexual in their professional lives, they have no idea how to actually BE sensual and sexual in their personal lives.

But, with a little understanding and guidance, you can turn a previously sociopathic and sexually selfish model into an intuitive, generous and orgasmically capable human being. The best way to teach is by example. So, if you want a model (or anyone else) to be good in bed, YOU must be an amazing lover by being the PRO in the situation.

PRO=Passionate, Reactive, Original

They're so tired of being valued only for their looks, they  kept their masks on during the whole show...

They’re so tired of being valued only for their looks, they kept their masks on during the whole show. Never Sleep Alone at Joe’s Pub, NYC.

Be Passionate–Remember that models are insecure about people wanting them only for their LOOKS. So, you must take the attention away from their physical appearance and passionately tell them how much you love the way their mind works, their sense of humor, the sound of their voice, the feel of their skin, the taste of their spit, and the tightness/hardness/ softness/wetness of their whatever.

Be Reactive–Most people are not comfortable enough to be reactive when they sleep with a model, because they think they have to be “cool” and act “better” than their partner. You are the opposite of those people. You are not afraid to get really into it and show that you’re enjoying yourself. Never be afraid to compliment your partner on his or her sexual skills and show gratitude for the pleasure they give you. And remember to begin all constructive criticism with a kind compliment.

He's just like you and me...All he wants is love and laughter...

He’s just like you and me…All he wants is love and laughter…

If you don’t like the way your partner is doing something in bed, and you want them to change their technique, don’t say, “Ow! Fuck! You’re doing it wrong, damn it!” Begin every constructive criticism with a kind compliment. Kiss them and say, “You’re sooo sexy. Now can we try it a little slower (or faster, or harder, or softer). Yessss. You are so good. Keep doing exactly that, please.”

NSA Truth

Give a man a fuck, and he’ll come once. Teach a man to fuck, and



Be Original–Most people believe that if they try something original and exciting in bed, their partner will “freak out” on them and think they are “weird.” You are the opposite of those people. When you have a sexual encounter with a model, or anyone else, they feel that everything you do, in and out of bed, is exciting and original. Role play, wear sexy lingerie or a loincloth, blindfold them, tell them to use your sex toy on you, feed them champagne from your mouth–any original erotic idea you have, try it with them. The rush of euphoria that comes with a new erotic experience will make them become addicted to you. Do something they’ve never done before, and they will keep coming back for more.

My model and I are about to go out for some steak tartare and champagne to refuel and then get back to trying out some of the more advanced acts in my sexual repertoire, since neither of us have to work tomorrow morning. Thank God these pants look amazing with my high heels and a cut-off T-shirt. My business suit is soaking wet. Click HERE to get in my pants….

He f'd up my manicure, so I get to keep the pants.

He ruined my manicure, so I get to keep the pants.

Why Doesn’t He Want Me?


Don’t be this woman.

If you’re the girl who can’t get the guy, there are reasons. We must eliminate these reasons. You are capable of becoming The One Everyone Wants. But you’ve got to face facts and make changes.

The Top 5 Ways Women Repel Men

1. You Talk Too Much

He doesn’t want to hear about your sick cat, your asshole boss/ex/child, your suspicious moles, your credit card debt or your latest trip to the outlet mall. Men LOVE mystery. So, sit back, shut up, and make HIM do the talking for once. Don’t complain, don’t be shouty or shrill, speak slowly in low tones, and whenever you have the urge to tell him something about yourself, ask him something about himself instead. And, for God’s sake, SSL–STOP SAYING “LIKE”!  When you misuse the word “like” 7 times a minute, you sound like an unfuckable idiot. Watch this video, and try to emulate Marlene Deitrich when you speak. I PROMISE that if you learn to lower your pitch and speak slowly and intelligently, you will be exponentially more attractive.

2. You Don’t Dress Seductively

Don’t dress like an asexual soccer mom, a desperate ho-bag, or a boring member of the mediocre majority of single women. Stop wasting time and money getting your hair blown-out like everyone else. Stop tottering about in 6 inch heels you don’t know how to walk in and wearing tight dresses you’re always adjusting awkwardly. Develop a style that’s all your own, maintain good posture, and wear clothes that arouse the curiosity and desire of everyone who looks at you. Think red dresses, flowing gowns and finely tailored suits that enhance your figure without revealing too much. Start exercising and eating food that makes you feel sexy TODAY. Throw out every piece of clothing that makes you feel gross TODAY. Treat yourself to one garment that stirs the curiosity and desire of everyone who looks at you and start wearing it TODAY. Tomorrow your genitals could turn to dust.

Be THIS woman. (Same woman. New style)

Be THIS woman. (Same woman. New style)

3. You’re Always On Your Phone Or Out With Your Friends

You’re never going to attract quality men if you’re constantly looking at your phone and hopping around from bar to bar with a pack of desperate cock blockers. Instead, dress like a star, leave your phone at home, pick ONE bar or restaurant with a lively scene, and make a commitment to stay there, enjoying a leisurely meal ALONE while you read an interesting book, write in your journal, sketch out some ideas for redecorating your apartment or work on another creative project. Make it your goal to speak to three strangers every time you go out. When you’re out alone and without your phone, men see you as attractive, adventurous and alluring. When you’re out with “the girls”, men see you as annoying and unfuckable. Stop going out without your friends and your phone, and you’ll start going home with the men you want.


Cultivate your own interests…

4. You Don’t Enjoy Sex

You think of sex as a weapon, a chore or a punishment. You must learn to think of sex as a beautiful way to experience pleasure, explore yourself and connect with another human being. You must learn to be a generous lover, and demand the same generosity in return. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to, and don’t deny yourself sex because you think he won’t respect you if you “sleep with him too soon”.  Men respect women who know what they want in and out of bed and who communicate their desires clearly and confidently. If you want it sweeter and slower–TELL HIM. If you want it harder and dirtier–TELL HIM. If you want him to play with your clitoris, lick your nipples, whisper in your ear, pull your hair, kiss you softer, fuck you deeper, go down on you longer–TELL HIM. And if you tell him what you want and he’s not willing to give it to you–LEAVE him.

Create a life you love...

Create a life you love…

5. Finding A Man Is Your Greatest Passion In Life

He can smell that. You’ve got to stop it. Everyone wants love and sex and romance. And most people want marriage, a home and a family, but you’ve got to have other passions in your life that are just as important as securing a spouse and making babies. What would you do if men didn’t exist and  you were incapable of procreating?  What are you passionate about? What interests do you want to explore? What independent adventures do you want to have?  Develop diverse interests, educate yourself on subjects you find fascinating, experiment with food, music, art and sex, explore the world, explore yourself, and dedicate time every day to creating something that’s important to you. If you create a life you truly love, everyone you meet will want to become a part of it.

And everyone will love YOU.

And everyone will love YOU.

You are beautiful and magical and you deserve an amazing life full of love and sex and MBOs. Make these positive changes in your life and you will NEVER SLEEP ALONE.

Unless you want to.

Let me know if I can help.

This Is Making You Unfuckable (For Men)

Delete 5

Gentlemen, if  you want to start getting laid, you’ve got to STOP doing these five things. And you’ve got to stop now. Tomorrow we will talk about the Top 5 Ways Women Repel Men.  But, right now, learn this:

1. Don’t Send Vague Texts

Women hate receiving random texts that say, “Sup” or “Whatcha doing later?” If you want a woman to want to sleep with you, you must be better than the average douche by sending texts that are direct, complimentary and contain a specific invitation. The first text you send to a woman should look something like this: “You were so charming and beautiful last night. I would love to invite you to my next dinner party (Or insert another invitation to a specific event). Are you free ________  night?”

2. Don’t Leave The Plans Up To Her

If you ask a woman out, you need to make the plan. You don’t need to have a lot of money to plan an awesome date. You can either invite her to a dinner party at your place, offer to cook at hers, or take her to see a free comedy show followed by a falafel picnic in the park. You can plan anything you’d like, as long as YOU are the man with the plan.

Make it all about her....

Make it all about her….

3. Don’t Split The Check

I know it’s confusing living in these modern times, and I AM a feminist, but you can’t undo centuries of sociosexual programming and years of masturbating to Disney princes and Christian Grey. For most women, it is still a major turn-on when a man picks up the check (and opens doors, and helps her with her coat). Avoid the awkward moment when the check comes by taking the server aside when you go to the restroom and paying the bill in private, rather than asking for the check at the table.

Even if she’s a devout feminist, she will still be grateful that for once, she didn’t have to live through that awkward moment when the check arrives. If she mentions it, just smile and say something like, “My Grandpa would kill me if I asked a beautiful woman out on a date and then split the check.” If she tries to buy you a drink, by all means, accept it, but definitely get the next round. And NEVER say, “Don’t worry, you can pay for dinner next time we go out.” That’s a major buzz kill.

Drunks are annoying.

Drunks are annoying.

4. Don’t Get Too Drunk

Drunks are gross and you don’t want to get whisky-dick. You can avoid getting too drunk by following the guidelines written HERE.

5. Don’t Come First

If you have an orgasm before she does, she is NOT going to want to sleep with you again and she’s going to tell everyone you suck in bed. Typically, the younger a woman is, the more difficult it is for her to have an orgasm. And many women have NEVER had an orgasm with a man. You must be better than those douche bags who fucked her badly and left her feeling sexually frustrated and orgasmically deprived. You must be patient and generous, stimulating her psychologically and emotionally as well as physically.

2014-06-06 22.53.08

Make her pleasure your number one concern.

You must be sensual and masterful, confident and communicative and make her believe that her pleasure is your number one concern.  If you give a woman great orgasms, she will fulfill all of your fantasies, in and out of bed.


If you take care of her, she WILL take care of you. 

Order my book at any of the online retailers listed HERE, send the receipt to, and I will send you detailed instructions on how to give a woman the most intense MBO of her life.

MBO=Mind Blowing Orgasm

Learn how to give and receive MBOs at Never Sleep Alone at Joe's Pub, NYC on January 17th.

Learn how to give and receive MBOs at Never Sleep Alone at Joe’s Pub, NYC on January 17th.

How To Give A Sunday Spanking

2012-04-02 14.17.13

Spankings are a great cure for a hangover and also a great way for you and your sexual partner to get closer and intensify your MBOs. The spanker gets to feel a powerful sense of control and domination, as their partner revels in the feeling of complete surrender and delicious anticipation.

MBO=Mind Blowing Orgasm

If you order my book at any of the online retailers listed HERE and send the receipt to, I will send you back a bonus chapter with step-by-step instructions on how to give and receive a proper spanking. But, here are a few important tips:

1. Make Sure Everyone Feels Safe

Discuss the rules for the session well before the spanking begins. I recommend discussing spanking over cocktails, or via e-mail or sext and being very specific about what is acceptable and what is not. If you are the one that wants to be spanked, share that fantasy with your partner, tell your partner how far you’re willing to go psychologically and physically, and be sure to establish a nonsexual safe-word that means “STOP NOW.” Since “Ow!” and “It hurts!” usually mean  “keep going” during a spanking session, it is imperative that both parties agree on a word that would never be used in the situation. Colors and state capitals are always good options. Once the safe-word is established, you can both feel comfortable being as beautifully filthy and depraved as you want to be, knowing that if it becomes too much for either of you, using the safe-word will stop the action immediately.

Fearlessly sharing your erotic fantasies makes your partner more comfortable sharing theirs...

Fearlessly sharing your erotic fantasies makes your partner more comfortable sharing theirs…

If you are the one who wants to spank your partner, begin by telling them, “I think you have the most beautiful ass I’ve ever seen, and if you’re willing, I would love to spank you sometime. I know I can make you feel amazing, and I’d love to fulfill one of your fantasies in return…”

2. Role Play

Experiment with different roles and have fun playing characters. The spanker is usually a stern disciplinarian and the one being spanked is the “naughty one” who did something wrong and must be punished.

Perhaps the spanker is a high school teacher and the student mouthed off during Trigonometry class. Perhaps the spanker is an Olympic level skating coach and the one being spanked didn’t stick their landing on the triple Salchow. Perhaps the spanker is the owner a restaurant, punishing his wife for flirting with the customers or going down on his bowling buddy.

"But, sir! I was just trying to give them good service..."

“But, sir! I was just trying to give them good service…”

Or perhaps the spanker is a Queen, punishing her dressmaker for being slightly off on his measurements or her cousin for embarrassing her at court. Have fun, get creative and wear costumes. The spanker should dictate what the one being punished must wear (or not wear) for their spanking…

3. Mix Pleasure With Pain

Putting someone across your lap will increase the pleasure for both of you, so whenever possible, administer spankings in that position. Make sure to keep their underwear on for the first couple of spankings, then pull them down, or make them take them off slowly.  Tell them how many spankings they’re getting and make it at least 15. Make them count aloud each spanking they get, and tell them if they don’t shout out the number fast enough, or they make a mistake, you’re starting over at “One.” Once you have administered 7 or more spankings, begin to alternate the punishment with little rewards, such as caressing their ass, rubbing their crotch, giving them a sip of champagne, kissing their cheek and whispering in their ear, “I’m so proud of you. You’re being such a good girl (or boy, or dog, or slave, or muggle).

If you’d like step-by-step instructions on how to have a Mind Blowingly Orgasmic spanking session, email your book receipt to and I will send you the pages. Have fun with your Sunday Spankings, my beautiful, fuckable angels. And remember–

That ass is YOURS.

2014-09-27 23.57.20

Expanding Your Sociosexual Network- The 9 Habits of Highly Fuckable People

2013-08-27 18.59.09 Do you know why your parents told you never to talk to strangers?

Because they didn’t want you getting laid. But now that you’re a consenting adult, you must expand your Sociosexual Network by talking to and asking out as many strangers as possible. I want you to plan an NSA Dinner Party and invite absolutely everyone you find attractive or interesting. Inviting a PEEP to a dinner party where there will be other people in attendance takes the pressure off of you and the person you’re asking out, because it’s a party, not a “date.”  Learn how to throw The Perfect NSA Dinner Party HERE.

I also recommend that you accept invitations and got dates from everyone who asks you out, whether you find them sexually attractive or not, because doing puts you into contact with other sexually relevant PEEPs.

If you don't want to have a dinner party at your home, plan one at the local bar. We had one at The Iron Horse, NYC.

If you don’t want to have a dinner party at your home, plan one at the local bar. We had one at The Iron Horse, NYC.

You may not be attracted to Pat, the depressed tax accountant, but by saying “yes” and going to a party at Pat’s house, you end up meeting Pat’s friend, Alex, who is a hot, happy painter. Because you said “yes” to depressed tax accountant Pat’s invitation, you end up having amazing oral sex on Pat’s bed, with Alex, the hot, happy painter. Inviting Kris, your mediocre neighbor to join you for a drink at the new wine bar on your street puts you into contact with Izzi, the sexually dominant sommelier who asks for your phone number.

They bought my book, so I got them laid.

They bought my book, so I got them laid. 

Therefore, the fastest way to meet more PEEPs and expand your SocioSexual Network is by talking to everyone, asking out everyone, and accepting every invitation that fits into your schedule. Send me photos of your NSA Dinner Parties to And if you’re having one in New York City, Napoli, London, Los Angeles, Missoula, or Prague, you’d better invite me. I have a new gown I want to wear.

2014-09-02 21.23.31


If You’re Not Into It, GET OUT OF IT.


Yes, the holidays are a tough time to break up. But, it’s NEVER going to be a good time to break up. Better to get out of it now than waste a bunch of money on Christmas gifts for someone you can’t stand anymore. Do you really want to spend the holidays being passive aggressive and orgamsically deprived? Or do you wanna use that break up as an excuse to ditch your annoying relatives and go on a solo vacation to an exotic location, have new adventures, party with hot PEEPS and ring in the New Year with a Mind Blowing Orgasm? Relationships end. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s Chemistry. And as we know from my book, C= FML

Chemistry = Fate Minus Logic


If you don’t break up now, you’re just prolonging the pain and getting older and unhappier with every passing day. Get out now. Tomorrow your genitals could turn to dust.

Top Excuses for Not Leaving When the Chemistry is Gone

 1.  “I don’t want to hurt the other person.”

You are already hurting them. Every time you are in the kitchen together, they feel like you are repeatedly stabbing them in the stomach with an electric knife. Every time you are in the bathroom together, they feel like you are dunking their head in the toilet and then squirting Listerine in their eyes. Every time you are in the bedroom together, they contemplate murdering you while you sleep.

2.  “I’ve invested so much in this relationship.”

Yes, and you got a lot out of your investment in the past. But this investment has stopped yielding returns. What was a good investment is now a bad investment and if you don’t cut your losses now and get rid of that bad investment, it will poison the rest of your portfolio until you are emotionally and sexually bankrupt.

 3.  “I don’t want to be the one to ‘Lose.’

The game is over. The other player walked away a long time ago.

4. “But we have so many great memories together!”

Memories won’t go down on you. And neither will the person you are with anymore. Go find someone who will.


It’s nobody’s fault–We just don’t have Chemistry anymore. But, perhaps one of us will have Chemistry with YOU. Break up and come to Napoli!

Get out now and go on vacation by yourself for the holidays. All the resources you need to book your Get Out And Get Laid vacation are HERE.  And if you’re coming to New York, Napoli, or London, I can hook you up with the best holiday apartments, restaurant owners and single PEEPs in town. Write to me at

I want to help you.

The 3 F’s That Make Her Wanna F You

2013-01-05 17.14.34Flowers, Fabrics and Flames. If you want to seduce a woman, you must have these three things in your home and/or on your person at all times.

Flowers: Always keep a bouquet of fresh flowers on your dining, coffee and/or bedside table, and always send or bring flowers for special occasions. And if you’re in a bar, restaurant or piazza and there’s a sketchy gypsy going from table to table selling flowers, BUY HER A FUCKING FLOWER!

He bought a Flower in the piazza, so I F'd him in the fountain.

He bought a Flower in the piazza, so I F’d him in the fountain.

Fabrics: Always dress elegantly and wear clothing she wants to touch with her fingers and/or feel against her bare breasts. If you don’t know how to dress, schedule a shopping session with me. Cover your gross couch and uninspiring office equipment with gorgeous fabrics. Having amazing linens on your bed will make her wanna F you in your bed, so invest in quality sheets and MAKE YOUR FUCKING BED!

Flames: Always light several candles the second you walk in the door. Get assorted sizes of candles and use empty wine bottles as candle holders for long tapers. #chic. Always carry a badass lighter so you can light a woman’s cigarette before some douche beats you to it. Women love candles and women love gentlemen. So, buy lots of candles and BE A FUCKING GENTLEMAN!

Buy the 3 Fs today and you will get Fd tonight.

He bought the Fabric in the morning and got Fd all night long.

He bought the Fabric in the morning and got Fd all night long.